John March 28th, 2011
Last week: doctor says he’s taking me off Effexor and increasing dosage on Wellbutrin, and it’ll be fine because they’re both SSRIs. I’m skeptical but decide it’ll be okay because he’s the doctor and I’m not, so he should know.
Yesterday: I start the switch and, about six hours later, I have a headache and feel oddly emotional–both cranky and weepy–but for the most part I’m okay.
Today: the headache is much worse, more a migraine really, and it’s hard to think and my throat feels tight and the emotions are worse, and as the day continues the symptoms start stacking up: I can feel my pulse in my forehead and I feel kind of nauseated, then I feel like I’m about to throw up or start crying, or both, and I feel really short of breath and my face is burning and then my co-worker tells me to go home and she’ll stay late for me and she’s really kind of pushy about it so I leave work and start crying on the way home and I can’t stop even though people are staring at me and I look up the meds and they’re not the same, though they’re almost the same–Wellbutrin is an SSRI and Effexor is an SNRI and Effexor is the one I quit taking.. And Effexor studies show a 78% chance of withdrawal symptoms with a long list of them, with the FDA listing about half a dozen as “severe.”
I called the doctor’s on-call number and left a long rambling number explainting that I can’t stop crying and I’m shaking and short of breath I’m dizzy and I feel like I’m going to puke. And I keep telling myself it’s all in my head and the answer comes back “OF COURSE IT’S ALL IN MY FUCKING HEAD. THAT’S WHAT A NEUROTRANSMITTER IS. IT TRANSMITS. BETWEEN NEURONS. IN THE HEAD.” And oh God I need an answer quick I am never taking Effexor again in my life I want to go on the other SNRI I read about that you can go on that you can be on awhile and go off that instead and it’s not nearly as bad.
update: It got worse. After all that there was the uncontrollable trembling, the sweating, the panic attack, the dizziness so intense that the EMTs had to help me down the stairs and outside, one in front holding on to me and one in back propping me up, and then at the hospital I vomited four times in a row, still trembling and sweating and crying, my hands tingling and my legs numb. One of the worst experiences of my life.
The doctor never called me back, which he explained the next day by saying that the previous day had been his birthday. He wanted to put me back on Effexor. I refused outright, telling him I’d never take it again. He wanted to know if it was “just because of the headache,” “just because of the nausea.”
Nothing about being completely incapacitated and put in the hospital suggests to me that “just” is a good way to describe what I was feeling.
I’m trying to arrange for a new doctor.